Sometimes crappy stuff happens.
Like when you spend time writing and then you accidentally somehow delete everything you just wrote.
Some people might get really upset about that. Not me. I’m going to focus on the good.
I basically ate a whole smoked pork butt-cheek today. I just grabbed big huge chunks of it and I ate it and it was good and I didn’t have to cook it and it was glorious. There were no side dishes involved. Just unadulterated mouthwatering pork rump.
I don’t know if I can write under these conditions. Here’s the thing, I would be crazy not to take advantage of the fact that I’m #19 on the list at the lab waiting to get blood work done. I’m pretty sure this guarantees me a full 17+ hours of free time.
It’s standing room only in here. Of all the times I’ve been to the lab, and believe me it’s A LOT of times, I’ve never seen it this full. Maybe that’s because I’m usually strategic about the time I show up for lab work. Normally I hit it early and show up when they open. Not today.
Today, I could hardly find a shred of energy to get out of bed. No seriously, I’m not exaggerating. I managed to brush my teeth and hair before I walked out the door, but believe me, I’m not going to win any “Awake Person Contests” today.
There are insane people here. I’m not sure how comfortable I feel waiting in this room. There’s this dad that has 3 young boys with him. He’s got to be psychotic. Clearly he’s not in his right mind.
In general, I’m not a judgey person. I have 5 sons. I know a thing or two about bringing boys into public places. It should never be done. At least, not when I’m the adult that’s supposed to be adulting.
What is adulting anyway? I mean, what really qualifies as properly adulting? Is it just a matter of turning the ripe old age of 18? Automatically if you’re that age, and you’re breathing, you are now adulting? I say, “Nay.”
Hey, I’ve made it to #6. This writing thing is pretty awesome! It’s like transporting to a time in the future in the blink of an eye! It’s actually not as magical as it sounds. If it was, I’d be at #1 right now.
I think that’s it for this addition of Waiting Room Chronicles. I mean, if I spent the entirety of my wait time writing, that’s like cutting in line. I wouldn’t want to do something so risky when there’s an insane dad sitting next to me.
I’ve definitely written stuff today.
I’ve also definitely deleted stuff today.
I’m not following my own rules.
I’m thinking way too much about what I’m doing and saying.
I said I wasn’t going to edit or critique or do any of that stuff that ends up making this process take so long that I end up running out of time in the day.
I think maybe I need some new rules. Like I’m not allowed to completely delete or skip a topic once I’ve started writing about it. I need to simplify and stick to just the simple process of writing something everyday without caring what it is or what someone else is going to get (or not get) from it.
I’m so glad I get a fresh new start each morning.
“What the shiz?!”
Do you even know what “shiz” is? I find myself using the word “shiz” a lot lately. I honestly don’t even know where I picked it up. I don’t even know if “s-h-i-z” is the correct spelling of “shiz”. I’m not even going to look it up on google to see if it’s there or if I’m even using it correctly in a sentence when I’m saying it in my head 52 times a day. It’s my word and I’ll use it if I want to. If it was already a word, too bad, it’s MY word now.
Here’s my real question though… if I say any of the following phrases:
“Why the shiz did you just do that?”
“What the shiz?!?”
“Shiz happens.”
“Holy shiz!”
“I shiz you not…”
Would you be offended? Seriously, I want to know. When someone uses a “non-word swearword” in place of a real swearword, does it offend you?
Honestly, I don’t know what the shiz I’m saying. I just needed to get my writing in for day 3.
Wait, what?… WHAT???
Have you ever felt two completely opposite feelings entwine within you? One of disbelief and belief rolled up together inside of you to form this unexplainable harmonious contentment?
Disbelief, because the world has taught you that you should never expect anything amazing or truly meaningful to happen to you. It’s told you to stay in your little box where it’s safe and no mistakes can be made. A place where no one can really see you because you’re just ordinary and un-special and you have no power or right to influence the world.
Belief, because you’ve realized that what is within you is not meant for you to keep hidden away. You now know the value you posses is so massive that it has to be shared with the world. Knowledge that your existence on this earth is not about you, but about impacting another’s existence. You are not the gift to the world, but the courier who delivers the package most eyes can’t see on their own.
So yeah, I was totally minding my own business last night. You know, checking the email before I shut the light off for the night. There was the expected message giving me the little nudge to make sure I kept up with my new goal of writing ESD (every single day). I scrolled through it and found links at the bottom to other samples of writing along with other connections to the author’s media pages. “Click”.
I start reading, realizing that something feels familiar. I feel my pulse start to quicken as I start to scan the article. I come upon a graphic. I read the perfectly positioned, emphasized, and quoted words on this picture that melds seamlessly with them. Heart pounding my mind yells, “Those are MY words!”
His words. His words said things like, “She said in such a way that I knew we connected” and “She says what I hoped, dreamed, but never truly expected readers would get from my book.”
You need to know a couple of things. First, that review I wrote on Amazon about his book, it’s the first review I’ve ever written on Amazon for a book. Second, as I was writing it, just letting the words flow from me, I second guessed my words thinking that, “This isn’t really a review. I’m just telling the story of what happen to me and how I feel about it. No one is going to care about this. A book review should give specific details on the content of the book. Oh well, I’m not changing it because this is what this book is to ME.”
What if I would have let the voice of the world, that was playing in my head, sway me into deleting my words? What if I had changed them to fit into the neat little paragraph that gave specifics about the content? What would I have missed??? What would Bradley Charbonneau have been deprived of?
A connection. A contentment. A kindred spirit. The loss would have been great. What we gave each other is priceless. Something that couldn’t be given or received at any other moment in time.
Two days ago I came across a book and devoured it. It was delicious to my soul. This writing is a direct response to what I read and internalized. Today is a historic day… the first day of writing every single day.
I had big plans to get out of bed at 5:00 am so that I could start this grand new adventure just right! With the perfect early morning time stolen away just for me and my writing. I hit the snooze button… like 3 times. Somewhere around 5:30ish am, my husband mumbled a question resembling asking why I set my alarm so early. I told him it was day 1 of my new goal to write every single day and I wanted to steal some private time in the mornings to do it. But, I decided I didn’t need to do that today, since I’ll already have time to myself with the kids going back to school after having 2 weeks off for spring break. I still have a week off before I go back to work.
So anyway, this guy, the author of this book I just read, says to do your daily writing in a public space. Set up a free blog. I’m like, well I already have a writing blog that has been sadly neglected. I guess I’ll just use that. I mean, why not?
If you’ve read my previous writings here on my blog, you know my writing to this point has contained a lot of previous life experiences I’ve been through. To be honest, I have no idea where it’s going to go from here. It might end up a big jumbled mess just like everything that resides in my head.
Here’s what’s going to go down. I’m letting go of expectations for myself. The only rule I’m going to follow, is the rule that I must write something ESD (every single day). That’s it. And I’m just going to click the publish button when I’m done. I’m not going to go back through to edit and evaluate and rethink 127 times what I’ve just written and if I should let people read it. I’m not going to question if it’s good enough to let people see it. I’m just going to do it. No restrictions. No editing of content. No second guessing what I just put in writing. It will be raw.
That’s it. No more squashing my desire to write. I know I’m meant to write. I will not deny myself this anymore. The fear of not succeeding at the one thing that has always been in my heart and soul to do is not going to stand in my way anymore.
Bring on day 2!