The last week has been so hard for me. After 4 months of strict ketogenic eating, I was totally thrown off course, by one of my doctors telling me to modify my diet, for other reasons not related to my type 1 diabetes.

I’ve been in a tailspin ever since.

I also threw my hands up in frustration, because the fact is, I didn’t really feel better physically, eating keto.

With that being said, the real proof was on my glucose meter, as I continually had the steadiest blood sugar levels ever. No spikes and no drops.

After the first month, I had true peace of mind that I didn’t have to worry about having a hypo, and I could totally ease up looking at my continuous glucose monitor readings.

I was frustrated that I hadn’t gained the energy that I had heard many others boast about.

I still went back to the facts on the meter, because they were undeniable.

I started the keto diet as a way to regulate my levels, to avoid damage over the long run. Things like neuropathy, blindness, kidney failure, and amputation.

Before I embarked on the keto way of eating, I had already started having the beginning signs of neuropathy. This type of painful nerve damage was something I had watched my own mother suffer with for over 10 years. It even plagued her during her last days laying in a bed unconscious before she passed away. I knew it was something I never wanted to experience.

This morning I had blood tests done.

Tonight I got an email with the results.

In this moment I am so proud of me.

The most telling test for how well a diabetic is managing their disease is the A1C level. It basically tells you the average blood sugar level over the previous 3 months.

My A1C as of today is 5.8 which equates to an average blood sugar level of 120. That’s the high end of a NON-diabetic blood sugar. It is my new personal best and an amazing accomplishment!

A blood sugar level of 120 is one that is NOT damaging my body.

I’m proud. I’m so very PROUD!!!

I did this!

I kept my blood sugar level at an average of 120 a day consistently for the last 3 months! That is NOT easy to do!

I have been so dedicated and it paid off.

I’ve been SAVING MY OWN LIFE!

I have been doing the best I can to prolong my QUALITY of life.

I know it’s impossible for almost anyone to understand what this truly means, but I still want to shout it from the roof tops!

MY A1C IS 5.8!!!

I AM A WARRIOR!!!

I AM KICKING DIABETES’ ASS!!!

Tomorrow is a new Day ONE!

I’m starting an 8 week journey tomorrow.

I’m excited and petrified at the same time!

It feels scary because it involves more steps toward being true to myself.

I’m going to be learning more about taking care of myself outside of the physical part.

I’m going to be held accountable.

I am hopeful because I know I always give my best when I’m accountable to someone else.

I’m pretty sure this is going to be magical.

I’m driving home from prom… more later.

Me: What are you doing?

Son: I just came to see my mom!

Me: I have to do my writing.

Son: Okay, write about me!

Me: Write about you?

Son: Yeah. Write about me.

Me: Okay.

Perspective is everything.

We choose which side of things we want to see and where we want to place our focus.

I’m a problem solver.

I’ve learned that I’m so much happier when I focus on finding a solution rather than how I feel about the problem.

Yesterday I was angry.

Angry that once again a doctor was telling me I had to change my diet. More specifically, that I had to eliminate more foods.

It did not sit well with me.

After four months of diligently sticking to an eating plan, it felt like the rug was ripped out from underneath me, again.

Why did it feel that way?

Why was my reaction so emotion filled?

I got up today and told myself I wasn’t going to let this keep me down.

I knew I had to change my outlook if I didn’t want to remain in a place of misery.

I had to step outside myself to realize that I haven’t been myself for awhile now, due to my fixation on food and numbers.

I am a type 1 diabetic, which means I do need to pay attention to those things, but I was doing it to the point of expecting and pushing perfection.

I had become rigid, and in order to be so rigid, I had to ignore everything else in my life.

I have this thing about me, where I get hyper focused on one or two things. Those things become what I’m good at. I put everything that I am, into those things. That means that anything outside of those things gets dropped and forgotten.

My ketogenic diet is where all my energy has been going, which means I didn’t take well to having someone step in and mess with it.

Here’s the other thing… I’ve been so focused on the physical part of taking care of my body, that I left no room for the feeling part. The emotional and spiritual side of me had been dropped on the floor.

Now that I can clearly see this, I hope that I can let go of some rigidity, and find a balance that allows me to be more than the food I put in my body and numbers on a glucose monitor.

I hope I can nurture the other parts of who I am that have been neglected.

The lesser of two evils.

I’m just a girl standing at a crossroads.

This path right here, that I’ve been walking for several months, is full of fat, artificial sweeteners, dairy, and protein. Gone have been grains, starchy vegetables, sugar, legumes.

The other path is paved with low-fat, dairy-free, no artificial sweeteners, no caffeine, no chocolate. Do eat whole grains, high fiber vegetables, high fiber fruits, high fiber cereal, and protein.

The current path (ketogenic) is low carb and has given me the steadiest within range blood sugar levels I’ve ever had.

The other path is high carb and will make it impossible for me to avoid blood sugar spikes and drops. My levels will look like a roller coaster.

This other path is the one I’m now being told to follow for the next two weeks and possibly longer. I don’t even know how to automatically shift to the exact opposite way of eating. It makes no sense to me and triggers a worry of out of control blood sugar levels.

I know I’m probably being a bit black & white with this, but this is truly how it looks to me right now.

It’s exhausting having to think about food this much. The focus and decisions are mentally draining.