I lied. I said I accomplished my mission… but I didn’t.

A few days ago, I finished writing my three part series on Jon Bellion. I shared my experiences with his music, making his Little Jon puppet, and giving it to him at the concert. As I wrote Part 3, I noticed there was something different about writing it. It wasn’t like writing the first two parts. This didn’t sit well with me. My mind wouldn’t let it go.

When I wrote Part 1, I was excited! It was fulfilling to write about my feelings, my beliefs and how Jon had inspired me.

In Part 2, I got to write about feeling inspired to do something for Jon. I touched on overcoming fear. I shared my creative process and making it work.

Part 3, was about physically giving Jon the gift. It was about getting validation for myself. It felt empty. It was a lot harder for me to write it. It didn’t flow easily.

What was the difference in writing the third part of the story?

Part 1, showed that we go through struggle. We can find comfort and understanding when someone is brave. Someone developing their talent and sharing it has a purpose. Realizing you may have some false beliefs and challenging them is important. You can accept and appreciate someone who might not share all of your beliefs or values. Worthwhile things can happen when you choose to broaden your view.

Part 2 said, it’s okay to follow your inner voice, even if it doesn’t seem like it flows with what society would do. Go for it, and try something that you’ve never done before. Embrace yourself and accept who you are.

Part 3, was written to show that I was able to accomplish my goal. I was validated in taking a chance. The fact that I felt that validation means I’m still struggling with doubt. The truth is, giving Jon something I made didn’t end up being the most important part. Everything that I did up to that point was about being authentic. I think something was lost in giving it to him. I know he liked it. I know he thought it was amazing… but I don’t think those are the things that really matter.

Handing it to him, being able to tell him he had inspired me, saying everything that I wrote in Part 1 to him, is what would have given it meaning. To tell him what he had inspired in me. I wanted this puppet to somehow speak and say all those things, but it couldn’t.

Sometimes we put everything we are into something, we think it will give us a result that we are seeking, but it doesn’t.

The giving of the puppet fell short. Why?

I let fear alter how I gave it. I had put effort and thought into the gift, but not the act of giving it. I let my focus change. In the end, it became about making sure the gift got into his hands with no regard as to why. I wanted to give some of myself to him. I don’t know if he actually received the deeper part of me that I gave. I don’t know if he got it mentally. How could he know?

Something else I realized, is that sometimes we want to give part of ourselves to someone but they don’t need or want it. They might not be capable of even seeing it. Giving isn’t supposed to be about us and what we want to give. Giving is about offering and then allowing the other person to receive what they want or need. Giving isn’t forcing what/who you are or what you have on someone else. Giving is about opening up your gifts to share with the world and then allowing the world to partake if they choose to. I always thought giving meant someone had to take what was offered. It doesn’t. Giving can be done without someone receiving it. Giving is about the act of genuinely offering something to someone because you care about them. It’s not about doing something for your own gain. Giving is not about getting validation for yourself.

Can you imagine how much peace would be in our world if we just focused on the giving? Truly gave with no expectation in return…

How does it feel to give? How does it feel to take? How often do we give and expect something in return? Why do we always expect something for ourselves? Receiving a gift shouldn’t require payment in return. When I truly give someone something, they don’t owe me anything. I don’t give someone something so I can hear the words, “thank you”. I don’t give someone something so that I can feel good about being a giver. I don’t give something so I can show people I’m a good person. To truly give, our focus needs to be on bettering the life of someone else. If you do it for any other reason, is it really giving?

There have been countless times in my life that I’ve given something to someone. I have had an expectation of what I should receive in return. I have thought people should think highly of me for giving the gift. In those instances, did I really give? Or was I just trying to take something for myself?

I go back to the question, “What was the difference in writing the third part of the story?”
I believe the difference was, that in the first two parts, I got to share genuine parts of myself and things that I believe in. The third part, left me telling a part of the story that didn’t feel that meaningful because I wasn’t really sharing or giving a part of myself.

Be genuine. Be authentic. Give those parts to the world without expectation of what you can get in return, and you will find true happiness.

With Warmth,
~Peggy

Tell me:
After reading Parts 1, 2, and 3…
Did you get a different feeling from each one?
What were the differences you felt?
Can you see the difference in giving freely vs. giving with an expectation?

You can post your thoughts in the comments or send me a direct email at lookthroughmeblog@gmail.com